If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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