Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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