If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
