I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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