I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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