Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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