How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ugly people sure do ruin things
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
