I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
