So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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