Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
