Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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