i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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