So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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