Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
