You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
