9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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