I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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