im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
