i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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