i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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