Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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