no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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