I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
