those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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