You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
