you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
