i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
