Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
