I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
