Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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