You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
