To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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