You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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