Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
