now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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