in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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