They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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