Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
