Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
