I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
