I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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