My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
