wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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