In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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