okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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