you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
