You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
