Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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