OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
