Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
