I'm jealous of your bromance
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
